Month: December 2018

“There is only self-discipline. Far too many coaches and leaders think you can impose discipline on someone. And worse some use it as an excuse to bully and intimidate.” @Fergus_Connolly

Leadership starts with self-awareness and leading yourself. Self-leadership is what leads to mental toughness. All the techniques, tricks, and tips in the world won’t work for long without being firmly rooted in self-awareness.

Recently I posed a question which is quickly becoming a favorite: “Where are you getting in your own way?”

The business leader gets in his own way when he doesn’t understand that he is perceived as angry and short-tempred. His people do what he wants out of fear rather than teamwork.

The athlete refuses to put down her phone and so doesn’t get enough sleep to be at her best. She trains with great effort but performance suffers.

The leader/coach doesn’t realize his concern about reaching the goal comes across as disappointment in a direct report or athlete. It’s demoralizing to the person and the leader/coach doesn’t know the negative impact. 

Sleep, diet, self-care, self-talk, blame, each of these are ways we create headwind, where we get in our own way.

When we don’t like what someone did or the way they did it, we’re stubborn, our ego flares up, and we resist even though following through would be helpful. We get in our own way.

When a person has difficulty accepting feedback, critique of their presentation or performance, it creates headwind.

The biggest obstacle to success is yourself. Where are your habits creating headwind for you. Where are you not helpful to your stated goals? Every leader has blindspots, which is why coaching works. I’d love to talk with you about how 2019 could be a more successful year for you. 

At a recent national swim meet in North Carolina, a group of officials was talking during a break. Someone asked if I had any “word of inspiration.” Never one for a lack of words, here’s what I shared: 

In swim officiating, our mantra is “the swimmer always gets the benefit of the doubt.” During this Christmas season where we hear more about generosity, what if we were generous with those in our lives, as well as with ourselves, and gave the “benefit of the doubt?”

I remember many times when my wife woudl be later getting home than she said she would be. Not only would I have her 6 feet under, I would also have negative thoughts: “She’s deliberately not calling me. How inconsiderate.”

However, if I was generous toward her, I would be more positive with thoughts of, “I hope she’s ok.” And when she arrives home, it’s not a barrage of “how upset and worried I was,” but of “it’s good to see you.” Because it is.

The benefit of the doubt saves us worry and anxiety, lessening stress and helping us live in deeper joy.

How can you give the benefit of the doubt to your employees? To you boss? Then what about to yourself?

The swim officials gathered around that day, when I mentioned applying this to yourself, nearly sucked the oxygen out of the natatorium! “We are so hard on ourselves,” they said.

Here’s one way to apply this personally. Don’t judge your throughts. They are just thoughts.

“I shouldn’t feel this way.”

“I know I need to do this but I just don’t feel like it.”

Ok. That’s the way you feel. That’s the thoughts you have. It’s real. It’s there. Don’t judge it but rather move on from it. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt during this season when generosity is such a big theme. It’s the best present you may ever receive. Lead yourself before you try to lead others.